Body Confidence (or lack there of)

This is an interesting topic as of late. I’m sure you heard the outcry of people that were shocked when Oprah magazine’s posted an answer to the question: Can I pull off a crop top? The answer: If (and only if!) you have flat stomach. Feel free to try one. For more coverage, layer the top over a longer shirt as shown in look two. Wow kind of surprising coming from Oprah whom is not a skinny woman herself in fact, she’s very curvy.

I remember when crop tops were all the rage growing up in the 90’s I always wanted one but I knew my parents would be less than thrilled with me showing off my body that way plus I was modest as F so I never basked in bare stomach glory. My teen years were brutal being bullied didn’t help matters so I had no confidence in myself what so ever. It would be that way into my adult years.

Before I lost the weight I tried to be confident in myself but the voices haunted me, I never believed that I was attractive people would say it all the time that I was pretty or beautiful but I hid from it avoiding mirrors if it all possible. I wore baggy clothes to hide my heaviness.

Now that I’ve lost all the weight I still struggle with this believe it or not. I may show that I am confident on the outside but on the inside trust me the struggle is real. I recently started a personal touch toning class with my local Jazzercise studio it’s twice a week for four weeks. I was excited because I thought “Hey here’s an opportunity for me to learn some much needed tips and techniques that I can apply to when I workout” after the class it was a different story. I felt defeated. I was corrected on everything my form was so bad I felt like I was being picked on I left feeling not only sore but completely let down. Being a “fit girl” I prided myself in being well fit, felt like a blob and I cried. I know the class well help I haven’t quit because it’s not an option. Later that week, I saw someone rock a crop top that had a flat stomach that made me feel worse!!

I am very curvy, have large ta-tas, stretch marks and I still have a stomach. It’s hard to be positive when you look down and all you can see is stomach. It takes a major stab at my confidence.

I admire anyone who is body positive there are a ton of women I admire who are well fat (and they’re proud of it) who dare to wear crop tops (giving the middle finger to Oprah), two-piece swimsuits, and skin tight clothes and not giving two shits (pardon my language) about it. Which in a world that is full of so much body shaming it’s awesome to see that. In fact ESPN’s 2015 Body Issue on the cover is a very curvy Amanda Bingson (tan lines included) where she quotes: “I’ll be honest, I like everything in about my body”.

Why is it so hard for me to be confident?

Then on Instagram I follow Amy Purdy (Olympic Snowboarder) she posted herself in a bikini in her caption she quoted

“PS Be kind to yourselves. No “body” is perfect. It took me years to that accept my scars saved my life I began to accept them. I have had to remind myself at times there are things I can control and things I can’t control. I can control how I eat, I can control if and when workout, and I can control my thoughts so those thing I do. The rest is out of my hands.”

I was speechless to know that someone who is admired by many admits that she even struggles herself and body confidence. It put a lot in perspective for me.

That made me think of last year when I purchased a one piece swimsuit that had a rather plunging neck line which again for someone who is modest was a challenge to wear out in public uncovered. It took some convincing from my best friend as well to rock it at the water park but I did:

me

I look pretty confident in this picture don’t I?

Maybe I do have the confidence; I think sometimes it just slips through the cracks. It happens we all are own worst enemies especially with so much body shaming in the world. We’re not perfect, we’re human. Sometimes we need to let roll off our shoulders or the now classic line from the movie Frozen “Let it go”.

Remember to embrace your imperfections, honor your curves, and be kind to others.

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