I wasn’t sure how to title this post or exactly how to write it. But it’s been on my mind so I wanted to share with y’all about this. This is real talk here I am laying it out all on the line.
As you know, I am studying to become a personal trainer. It just basically happened on accident. I was applying to another school to be something totally different when I was struggling to pass the “required” exam and I lost steam on the idea. A lot of people suggested it because of my success in weight loss and motivating others. Next thing you know a year later I am starting my 2nd year of the program with completing by next December of 2017. Also, it hasn’t been anything but easy more like a roller coaster of stress, and emotions. I’ve been so close to walking away from the program completely but then where would I be?
This fall semester has been quite a roller coaster too. In September, I learned how to design and program workouts. I applied those workouts to the newer training students who were my position one year ago. It was quite an emotional time for me because I don’t take criticism well (who doesn’t) and most days I left the gym in tears.
I have a love/hate relationship with my current instructor. This is the same instructor I had for a year now. He taught me both times in kinesiology, also in my testing and prescription class and these last two classes I’ve had in the fall. Last Tuesday, he, myself and, my two classmates (who I’ve known since March and they will be done soon since they are just getting certified) had a sit down. My instructor wanted us to talk positives/negatives about one another. This is a hard topic for me because:
- I hate to tell anyone their faults because I want people to like me (total Taurus thing)
- I don’t take criticism well especially negative ones
My instructor told me out of all his years of teaching the program, he’s never met anyone who is so uncomfortable in the program than me. Needless to say I was shocked. One of the things my instructor had said in the last class: That I am uncomfortable in the gym. It was a total slap in the face. It really hurt too. I’ve mentioned it causally on this blog.
I never thought I was uncomfortable in the gym. I had Jazzercised more than going to the gym (YMCA) but apparently it’s relevant. Maybe it’s because the gym I go to for school is different than the Y maybe that’s why I am uncomfortable? Worse part was hearing that I am not educated in workouts. I felt like saying “duh” on that one. Why do you think I am going to school? I’ve learned by watching and pinterest. I really wished my school had a class on exercise. But it’s disheartening to hear constantly: “You’re uncomfortable, You don’t know exercises” How is that helping me? If anything it makes me question my abilities and I feel defeated. I also with certain exercises that I used to do but when put on the spot I get flustered and embarrassed. I think that’s part of the reason why I have been avoiding the gym/Jazzercise. I’ve lost my confidence.
Here’s the thing. My instructor needs to do both the positive and the negative. You can’t have one without the other. In my opinion, tell me what I did wrong but soften the blow by telling me what I did good. He even said it’s a sandwich Positive with a Negative followed by a Positive. He fails to do that. I understand I need to grow and be comfortable as a trainer but I need positive reinforcement too. Otherwise I am going to fall back into the shadows.
Now I have a whole new understanding of why a lot of people avoid the gym altogether. I was one of those as well, and have fallen back into that fear. I need to overcome it again and start over to find what I have lost so I can be the best damn trainer I can be.
One step at a time One day at a time.